Times and Seasons

They came to us just before spring arrived, at the same time I began putting seeds into ground in my garden. Lettuce, spinach, arugula. The was getting warm enough welcome some cool-weather plants and had planted that morning. Simon six years old his sister Juniper right behind him, almost five. gotten a phone call two hours earlier Department of Social Services removed them from their home. placement would be for somewhere between three days fifteen months. Could we take them?Over next several weeks, garden greens peeping up out ground, bright, impossible shade green made me want kneel down munch on straight soil. We also started learn about Juniper: individual quirks dislikes, way they spoke, what trigger tantrum, complicated relationships. For first week, took turns throughout night wandering around house like pale ghosts, turning every single light, while husband wearily send back bed, reminding nightlights hallway everything else off again. As feeling more confident new space, asserted themselves typically childlike ways refusing clean mess or rejecting vegetables plates. told opinions histories, sharing narratives which helped shape them. understanding grew, moved blank-faced strangers mind complex intricate individuals. Each bodies held an entire universe history possibility. When telling people church been licensed begin fostering, most assumed it with adoption as goal, add our own biological children. “Congratulations!” say, “How long children become yours forever?” explain weren't even considering adoption, providing safe place while. Sometimes confused Mormons are so accustomed planning eternity forming relationships meant pass away feels foreign. Not eternity. this earthly life. Just few weeks months, tiny fraction mortality.People frequently ask how can stand say goodbye In ways, question confuses me. don't experience temporary nature fostering something bad—in fact, there's beautiful it. So much life built idea timeline acts counterweight heaviness “forever” without losing any value relationship. It's work caring apple tree compared squash. will last generations squash's lifetime is but good gardener nourishes both values fruit. child home, give all love care mine time. And yet not truly mine. No matter they've through, always real parents, ones whose smell, voice, touch familiar. Their parents return. separation grief beyond imagine. powerful appears physical ache, almost-visible missing limb. It relationship am only interested supporting, replacing. one young know child's body intimately. passed Juniper, got simultaneously watching change. put weight cheeks filled out. muscles grew stronger, hair thicker. taught use toilet, bathed them, band aids, washed faces, brushed teeth, wiped bottoms, applied sunscreen, cut hair, clipped toenails, soft parts skin. places liked being tickled where were too sensitive touch. infection toe. cowlick Simon's forehead another nape neck. tell you teeth have cavities smells Although smaller than adults, children's seem space. need something: drink, snack, bathroom, tissue, aid, nap. growth emphasizes human condition constant renewal each cell: inched upward, thought continually replace themselves, literally material after Our stomach lining replaced weeks. Red blood cells live four Every entirely Within months living me, could see Juniper's completely familiar brand new. decay endure simultaneously. Some foster forever, though sealed “They'll recognize eternities,” these reassuringly. rather hope that's true. might forget lives, experiencing God's healing memories period fade nothingness. no scriptural prophetic foundation this, whispers its truth Scripture tells God forgets sins following repentance, seems paradoxical omniscient being. How who knows large lives? Similarly, resurrected soul retain wisdom learned experiences forced remember worst happened That kind equation endlessly merciful divine offer. Maybe grace presents opportunity leave broke open. those scars marking souls trauma. think loves allow things simply ether, sloughed dead skin cells. seemed drawn garden, often are. firmly believe space best therapeutic offer anyone. summer wore on, nightly salads eggplant, cucumbers, beans, tomatoes. insisted hated tomatoes gagged when appeared dinner table. refused let near mouths. harvested vegetables, taste anything wanted plant. Basil, carrot greens, blackberries, sour gherkins went past lips various reactions. One sunny day, popped bright red cherry mouths watched eyes get big delight. After that, worked wander beds shouting “Yum, yum, yummy!” tomato juice dripped her chin. joy face gratitude gift delicious fruits vegetables.There narrow parameters do I'm there fix heal Trauma runs deep leaves marks bodies, especially little ones. resilient bouncing quickly has research informs trauma, particularly childhood affects mentally physically unexpected sometimes unacknowledged ways.1 A short stability safety undo experienced; lifetime—possibly longer—of order heal. cannot do, strengths lie. nurture food helps grow strong. moment surprise tomato, spiritual realms revealed inextricable intertwinement Jesus showed concern miraculous healings wounded, sick, hungry. While power spit mud man applying blind man's eyes, inherent itself. perfect God, formed sunlight, earth, water, offers temporal relief. children, Simon, loved going Primary. Primary president he eagerly hand respond absolutely loud, answer “God?!” He songs asked bedtime. His favorite “Families Can Be Together Forever,” wondered through head sang him dim bedroom evening. words ideas jarring circumstances. Did families “so me” ring true him? promise returned father never again? questions, look peace during song gave least answers. Something lyrics felt him.The family lasted forever clearly impression lesson temple. day field wedding taking place, carefully minutes then sighed said sadly, “Too bad they're temple won't together forever.” heart break pieces considered ramifications theology faith community. didn't keep apart anyone Heaven other. far dynamic compassionate limitation that. “So, forever? Even if go temple?” asked. hesitated, because sure forever. “Yes,” said, looking him. “Forever.” grinned broadly.I conversation again cool morning fall walked dog early light. left home evening whole dull heavy processed startlingly quiet calm it, reminder amplifies burden parenting exponentially linearly. walked, pondered passes remains. Mortal “frail existence,” Eliza R. Snow described critically important ethereal doing never-ending daily them.2 hard nonexistence can't endures struggled merely concept weekend before, tie shoes. guardian, bound by legal judge ordered society recognized. tied love, over million sacrifices shared experiences. Forty-eight later, law recognized influence next. Only remained.Sandy Solomon wrote final stanza poem “Spring Recalled Spring”: Love reckoned gain loss;it is.Across woods dogwood floats,giving itself away.3I feel freely given tomatoes, changing colors leaves, growing body. is. resolved mortality.A breeze overcast sky, along fading drooping plants, signaled I'd pulling year soon. size fingernail clipping grown bushes eight feet tall, bent battle fungus. Putting bed season waking spring. All annuals removed, up, mixed compost pile. Over time, decompose return building blocks plant matter: nitrogen, carbon, phosphorus, calcium, oxygen. Nature works within different substances unrecognizable. half now, I'll soil pile nourish lettuce coming fades nothingness lasts